Devotion #8 I Love You, Anyway

“Now, just hold on a minute, Bella,” he said in a calm voice. “Tell me something.”
I grimaced. I didn’t want to do this. Not just not now, but not ever.  There was nothing left in my life at this point that was more important than Jacob Black. But he seemed determined to ruin everything.
“I’m not going to change,” I said, and though I tried to keep my voice normal, I could hear the sadness in it.
His face was thoughtful, no longer teasing. “It’s still the other one, isn’t it?”
I cringed. Funny how he seemed to know not to say the name….He picked up on so much about me that I never said.
“You don’t have to talk about it,” he told me.
I nodded, grateful.
“But don’t get mad at me for hanging around, okay?…Because I’m not giving up. I’ve got loads of time.”
How much I wished that Jacob Black had been born my brother, my flesh-and-blood brother, so that I would have some legitimate claim on him that still left me free of any blame now. Heaven knows I had never wanted to use Jacob, but I couldn’t help but interpret the guilt I felt now to mean that I had. Even more, I had never meant to love him.
But I needed Jacob now, needed him like a drug. I’d used him as a crutch for too long, and I was in deeper than I’d planned to go with anyone again. Now I couldn’t bear for him to be hurt, and I couldn’t keep from hurting him, either.[…]
He was my best friend. I would always love him, and it would never, ever be enough.
New Moon – Chapter 9

One of the first things that I learned from the Twilight saga was about love. I actually hated 60% of the first book. Something irritated me and I couldn’t quite justify it. Sure, at first, I thought of Edward as a creeper and Bella as a dummy, but aside from that it seemed like there was something I was wrestling, fighting with. Finally after 3 days of annoyance, during my drive home from work God spoke to me, and the conversation went something like this:

“Do you really want to know why you’re feeling this way?”
“Yes, I do. I don’t understand.”
“It’s because you think you understand Love. Bella and Edward’s [and maybe even Jacob’s] love irritates you. You think that love has to always be wise and smart. But that’s your wisdom and not mine.”

I was floored. I was convicted. I was changed.

I realized that I was holding Bella and Edward and Jacob and the world by my standard that love always has to make logical sense to me. But if God judged His love for us, for me, by that standard, I surely would never make it.

God’s love for us isn’t based off of logic; it’s based on Who He is and He is love. While brilliant and wise and just and creative and holy and pure are all attributes of God, He doesn’t call Himself definitively by those terms. He calls Himself Love. Moreover, wisdom and logic are simply not listed in the Love Chapter.

In this passage we see what that love looks like wrapped in flesh. Yes, Jacob is human, and he can never, ever, fill the supernatural hole in Bella, but as humans we’re made in the image of God. It is our destiny and birthright to walk in Him…in Love. When we do that, our human relationships cease to be conditional, we love each other anyway.

There is nothing in the Bible that says “God will love you if you keep His commandments.” No. He says “If you love Me, you will keep my commandments.” Love is as love does: it means you make adjustments willingly for the sake of the other.

And this is why there are so many Team Jacob fans in the world: everyone wants the best friend to fall in love with (I found mine). And everyone wants to feel human unconditional love. While Jacob’s love isn’t (and can never be) perfect, it’s just about the best we can do wrapped in flesh.

And that’s why I love Jacob…even if I’m Team Edward. 🙂


~ by sarahthebaker on January 15, 2010.

One Response to “Devotion #8 I Love You, Anyway”

  1. Interesting perspective – gets me thinking! Thanks for posting your thoughts. I look forward to them! 🙂 Happy weekending!

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