New Moon Devotion #4: Bella Moves On…Sort Of


Charlie’s fist came down on the table. “That’s it, Bella! I’m sending you home.”
“I’m sending you to Renee, to Jacksonville,” he clarified.
“What did I do?” I felt my face crumple. It was so unfair. My behavior had been above reproach for the past four months. After that first week, which neither of us ever mentioned, I hadn’t missed a day of school or work. My grades were perfect. I never broke curfew—I never went anywhere from which to break curfew in the first place. I only rarely served leftovers.
Charlie was scowling.
“You didn’t do anything. That’s the problem. You never do anything.”

“You want me to get into trouble?” I wondered, my eyebrows pulling together in mystification. I made an effort to pay attention. It wasn’t easy. I was so used to tuning everything out, my ears felt stopped up…
“Trouble would be better than this…this moping around all the time!”

That stung a bit. I’d been careful to avoid all forms of moroseness, moping included.
“I am not moping around.”
“Wrong word,” he grudgingly conceded. “Moping would be better—that would be doing something. You’re just…lifeless, Bella. I think that’s the word I want.”
“I want you to be happy—no, not even that much. I just want you not to be miserable. I think you’ll have a better chance if you get out of Forks.”
“I’m not leaving,” I said.
His fist came down on the table again. “We both know what’s really going on here, Bella, and it’s not good for you.” He took a deep breath. “It’s been months. No calls, no letters, no contact. You can’t keep waiting for him.”
I glowered at him. The heat almost, but not quite, touched my face. It had been a long time since I’d blushed with any emotion.
“I’ll make plans with Jessica,” I called over my shoulder as I strapped on my school bag, not meeting his eyes.
“Maybe I won’t be home for dinner. We’ll go to Port Angeles and watch a movie.”
I was out the front door before he could react.
New Moon – Chapter 4

After being threatened with being sent back to Jacksonville to live with her mother, Bella makes a superficial effort at appearing happy and healed from her break-up with Edward.

As Charlie says, it doesn’t matter that she keeps trying and putting up appearances. The truth is that inside lies a giant black hole.

Bella’s pain is so personal to me because of what I’ve experienced during my “wilderness” time when God distanced Himself from me, and from what I’ve seen from a close friend who had a similar experience. Bella couldn’t tell anyone what she was feeling, what had really happened. Who would understand? Who would believe? As she said, she’d be locked in a “padded cell” if she tried to bare her soul.

So few understand the pain people go through inside, even less understand the Dark Night of the Soul. Despite the recordings of this real experience, many believers find no resting place or comfort. It’s tempting to agree with our “Charlie” who says He’s not coming back.

But tragedy touches all of us,and we all, at times, feel measures of depression and even misery.

So we carry on as best we can with our lives, our families, and our jobs, hoping and praying that one day we will be replenished on the inside. Inside we always hold a candle that “Edward” (whatever that is for you) will come back.

Don’t give up. If we don’t make it through our New Moon, the rest of the story never happens. Our 300 pages (Bella’s time without Edward) will end. There is someone Who sees, and knows, and understands. Someone Who never forgets us, and carries our tears in a bottle. If we can hold out for His return, we can outlast our 300 pages.

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~ by sarahthebaker on January 4, 2010.

One Response to “New Moon Devotion #4: Bella Moves On…Sort Of”

  1. Hello~! I enjoyed reading about your twilight new moon reviews post!~ please do come visit me sometime as well~!
    Twilight4eva~**
    Xoxo
    Mandy.l

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