New Moon Devotion #2: What’s In It For You?

As the day progressed, I considered ways to get out of whatever was going down at the Cullen house tonight. It would be bad enough to have to celebrate when I was in the mood to mourn. But, worse than that, this was sure to involve attention and gifts.

And I’d very pointedly asked—well, ordered, really—that no one give me any presents this year. It looked like Charlie and Renee weren’t the only ones who had decided to overlook that.

I’d never had much money, and that had never bothered me. Renee had raised me on a kindergarten teacher’s salary. Charlie wasn’t getting rich on his job, either—he was the chief of police here in the tiny town of Forks. My only personal income came from the three days a week I worked at the local sporting goods store….Every penny I made went into my microscopic college fund. (College was Plan B. I was still hoping for Plan A, but Edward was just so stubborn about leaving me human….)

Edward had a lot of money—I didn’t even want to think about how much. Money meant next to nothing to Edward or the rest of the Cullens. It was just something that accumulated when you had unlimited time on your hands and a sister who had an uncanny ability to predict trends in the stock market. Edward didn’t seem to understand why I objected to him spending money on me—why it made me uncomfortable if he took me to an expensive restaurant in Seattle, why he wasn’t allowed to buy me a car that could reach speeds over fifty-five miles an hour, or why I wouldn’t let him pay my college tuition (he was ridiculously enthusiastic about Plan B)….

But how could I let him give me things when I had nothing to reciprocate with? He, for some unfathomable reason, wanted to be with me. Anything he gave me on top of that just threw us more out of balance.
New Moon – Chapter 1

Have you ever felt that way? Like you were with someone completely out of your league? You just knew at some point they were going to wake-up and realize that fact? Sometimes people do walk away, and that hurts.
But what if that person never faltered, but consistently just wanted you? They knew, better than you, what you wanted, needed, and deserved; but most of all, they just wanted you to be happy and consistently made choices to put you first?

Could you accept it? No matter how perfect that person would be, we’d still have to deal with the us factor. Much like Bella,  many (dare I say most) of us would be uneasy in that kind of relationship. We don’t like feeling unequal, like we don’t have anything to bring to the table. Sometimes, I still have trouble letting Matt (hubby) make coffee for me. But if I found myself with a perfect, rich, male-model man with supernatural strength and powers who was, for some reason, crazy about me and wanted to buy me expensive cars and spoil me all the time…it would be great! Until I realized I was still imperfect me. I think I’d feel hopelessly unqualified to be in that relationship! (Me = not perfect…Shh! Don’t tell!) Even though I understood the way Bella felt, this was one of the biggest things that irritated me about her: her inability to just enjoy Edward.

I think the same thought process is what often keeps us from Jesus. When we get to know Him, and we feel for the first time how much He really, truly adores us, and we see everything He has done and does for us daily, we feel just the same way: hopelessly unqualified.  And He really is perfect, and beautiful, and abundantly rich; He really does want to spoil us with Himself and His gifts; and He is entirely supernatural and strong. And He adores us. He obsesses over us. He desires us. He doesn’t want our money or our smarts or our mad skills, He just wants us. So save yourself some trouble and just accept. Just receive. Let Him take you to His meadow and adore you. You won’t regret it.

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~ by sarahthebaker on December 28, 2009.

One Response to “New Moon Devotion #2: What’s In It For You?”

  1. You know why I love your posts? They are specific and detailed… like digging precious gems from cave walls… each one is beautiful and apt and glimmering in its own poignant brilliance. No generalities or sweeping analogies. Like each verse of Scripture, each thought is so rich and full and thought provoking. Thanks for taking the time to share these wonderful thoughts! Write on, sister! 🙂

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