Devotion #4: First Sight

When we entered the classroom, Angela went to sit at a black-topped lab table exactly like the ones I was used to. She already had a neighbor. In fact, all the tables were filled but one. Next to the center aisle, I recognized Edward Cullen by his unusual hair, sitting next to that single open seat. (…)

Just as I passed, he suddenly went rigid in his seat. He stared at me again, meeting my eyes with the strangest expression on his face—it was hostile, furious.(…)

I’d noticed that his eyes were black—coal black. (…)

At that moment, the bell rang loudly, making me jump, and Edward Cullen was out of his seat. Fluidly he rose—he was much taller than I’d thought—his back to me, and he was out the door before anyone else was out of their seat.
, Chapter 1

Readers of the saga knows what this passage means. Edward is literally fighting the urge to take Bella’s life and drink her blood. Readers of the unpublished Midnight Sun know the full extent of that struggle. Edward’s nobler, human side is horrified by the intentions of his bloodthirsty vampire nature. “Who was this creature? Why me, why now?…I didn’t want to be this monster! I didn’t want to lose everything I’d gained in a lifetime of sacrifice and denial! I wouldn’t. She couldn’t make me.”

We could call Edward conflicted, tempted. This is his worst nightmare. But the Lord doesn’t tempt humans (or vampires) beyond what they can bear.

Of course, [the teacher] no choice but to send me to the one open seat in the middle of the room. I kept my eyes down as I went to sit by him, bewildered by the antagonistic stare he’d given me.

He was leaning away from me, sitting on the extreme edge of his chair and averting his face like he smelled something bad.

During the whole class, he never relaxed his stiff position on the edge of his chair, sitting as far from me as possible. I could see his hand on his left leg was clenched into a fist.(…) This, too, he never relaxed.

What was wrong with him? (…)

In my alarm I said, “I am cut off from your sight!” Yet you heard my cry for mercy when I called to you for help (Psalm 31:22).

What could possibly be more tempting than “your own personal brand of heroin”? Only the love of something greater; only the love of the Father. As referenced in Midnight Sun it was the face of Edward’s father-figure, Carlisle, and his grief, that truly tames the inner monster.

It’s important to note that the sin isn’t within the temptation, it’s in the execution. When we choose to love God more than our sin, we begin to die to our sin nature; it is only then that we can be changed.

It is only later in the series that Edward realizes that it is love which cures his thirst. He overcomes the condemnation (not conviction) which plagues him, to enter into freedom and joy.

Additionally, what would have happened if Edward had succumbed to his temptation? The story would’ve been over. He never would have found love, and his happy ending.

Endure, and surrender your desires to God.


~ by sarahthebaker on November 20, 2009.

2 Responses to “Devotion #4: First Sight”

  1. Do you tweet and have a twitter account so I can follow you?

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