Devotion #3: Duck, Duck, Goose

Forks High School had a frightening total of only three hundred and fifty-seven — now fifty-eight — students; there were more than seven hundred people in my junior class alone back home. All of the kids here had grown up together — their grandparents had been toddlers together.  I would be the new girl from the big city, a curiosity, a freak.

Maybe, if I looked like a girl from Phoenix should, I could work this to my advantage. But physically, I’d never fit in anywhere. I should be tan, sporty, blond — a volleyball player, or cheerleader, perhaps — all the things that go with living in the valley of the sun.

Instead, I was ivory-skinned, without even the excuse of blue eyes or red hair, despite the constant sunshine. I had always been slender, but soft somehow, obviously not an athlete;…

Facing my pallid reflection in the mirror, I was forced to admit that I was lying to myself. It wasn’t just physically that I’d never fit in. And if I couldn’t find a niche in a school with three thousand people, what were my chances here?

I didn’t relate well to people my age. Maybe the truth was that I didn’t relate well to people, period. Even my mother, who I was closer to than any else on the planet, was never in harmony with me, never on exactly the same page. Sometimes I wondered if I was seeing the same things through my eyes that the rest of the world was seeing through theirs. Maybe there was a glitch in my brain. But the cause didn’t matter. All that mattered was the effect. And tomorrow would be just the beginning.
– Chapter 1

I very much understand Bella’s observations in this passage. I always felt as though I stuck out like a sore thumb wherever I went. Imminent, imposing, obvious. Bella spent her life just blending in, disappearing. It’s obvious why she is so uncomfortable with being the center of Edward’s (or anyone else’s) attention.
In a game of duck, duck, goose, Bella would be the goose.

But Bella was never meant to fit in. She was always meant for something else. Her sense of disconnection from humanity was for a reason; her high maturity level and independence engineered from the very beginning, for something noone would ever see coming. If Bella had any way of knowing how her life would change, how her story would end, it would have been so much easier for her to take the affliction in stride. But Bella couldn’t know; likewise, none of us can.

We don’t even have a clue what is planned for us. It’s not possible. Every now and then we get glimmers, peeps, and mutters; but we’re generally quite clueless.

The thing to remember is that there’s a big Person somewhere Who holds all the schematics. And whether we’re aware of it or not, the One who made the Lion and the Lamb, predator and prey, and me and you, has it figured out.


~ by sarahthebaker on November 16, 2009.

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